Word to Ponder: Nadir

Anyone that's overcome adversities of any scale or consequence can point to the lowest point, or nadir, that showed them the only way was up. Nadirs are inevitable but sneaky, best served as a wake up call to change something.

That last drink, cigarette, hit, junk food binge, or poor financial choice before permanent change is not a nadir. Though this self-sabotage is an unfortunate human trait, you can’t be plan for a nadir; they don't work that way. Bad for you is still bad, especially if you know better and do it anyway. It only creates a permission cycle of not doing what's best for yourself, keeping you captive and farther away from ideal, no matter what you may tell yourself while in the midst of it.

Paramount to work though a nadir is a strong and honest support system outside your large and/or small ego. The cunning nature of a nadir can blind you to it, while your support system will probably see it earlier and
clearer than you. Putting together that support system is its own problem, but is clear-cut when you hit a nadir. True friends and relatives are the ones that stick around when you're at your worst, selflessly and unconditionally helping you get back to your best. But it has to be reciprocal when they need you.

An open mind is a must; though, it can backfire if you’re too open for too long, and is equally damaging as being too close-minded for too long. Ideally, you should go back and forth from your comfort zone to know where and when adjustments are needed. Too much time in or out of your comfort zone will get you off track. It is never going to be easy to identify when/how long to be in or out of that zone, but time and practice will afford that knowledge and self-awareness. That’s where the support system of accountability and praise will come in when warranted to help you make the necessary adjustments where and when you need to.

A huge problem for me was thinking I could solve all my own problems. This cycle always resulted in narrow mindedness and mental burnout when I’m overwhelmed with all I have to take care of, always magnified from reality.

I have never been good at delegating and enjoy carrying a burden. Big challenges motivate me until I’m out of wind and strength to go any further, way before I’m done with what I need to do, let alone want to do, or vice versa. When my support system tells me I’ve hit another nadir, it’s never at the right time.

I hate letting people down, even when they’re disappointed I let myself down. Not cracking the code of burning out is always abhorrent in principle, and is much worse to live it. Pressure does motivate me, but too much cripples me where all I want to do is eat poorly and sleep. And it’s all my own doing.

I recently hit another and pretty bad nadir, causing me to do things I’ve never done in my life. So, I needed time to get it sorted out. Making the time to only focus on what's been going on is so foreign to me. Though I recognize its necessity, I've had difficulty with it. I have felt so weak during this process, wondering why I couldn't just plow through this like I've always done.

I've come to realize the times I persevered was actually making me weaker and weaker over too many years. This nadir has become the full circle revelation of all the years of trauma I forced myself to go through were for the wrong reasons and without continuous and proper self-care.

I also never thought I'd be a Christian. But lo and behold, I am now a proud believer of God and that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I'm super early to this, but it's been a great awakening and the best thing for me. Part of my years long hesitation was the many bad examples of Christians that are in this world. I failed then to realize everyone is on their personal journey and to not judge what I don't fully know, and prayers are needed instead of scorn.

Plus, I didn't believe anything I couldn't see, but the circumstances that led me to Christ and everything that has followed was all proof I needed. The more my eyes have been opened to this world in my walk with Christ, I've been observing further proof without even asking.

I've allowed too many people and environments to dictate how I feel about myself. I've learned that I take me and what I represent everywhere I go. Anything else around me doesn't matter unless it's positive or an opportunity for me to influence positivity. Though it will always be difficult, the negativity cannot affect me anymore.

Part of my issue is giving my all, all the time, without factoring in sufficient down time for recovery. Investing all of myself is a blessing but can be a curse. I struggle when circumstances outside my control take away my full skills and abilities.

When I’m able to accomplish something I love with enough autonomy, I’ll happily go my usual 100% but rarely hit a nadir, armed with an open mind and at least enough knowledge of what I'm signing up for. I enjoy the grind and miss it when the project is done, resulting in deep fulfillment. That’s why identifying as writer resonates so deep with me. The nature of me as a writer and how I work and think about the craft is essentially this paragraph.

To be honest, I don't think I'm receiving the best professional care possible through this nadir. Life happens way too fast for the best to always be available or obvious, and that's okay. No matter what care I receive, everything begins and ends with me. All I can do is the best with which I'm given. The power of prayer has been tremendous, as has the support of friends and family the Lord has wrapped me with.

Everyone will go through different paths and endure many nadirs. When they happen, it’s just life telling you to go change direction and/or mindset. Pain is promised, but it's part of growth. The barrage of emotions you’ll feel aren’t worth over thinking. They're just an overflow of what you need to successfully unpack and process.

This will likely require a lot of time, professional help, and hard, honest conversations with your support system and said professional. They are necessary to becoming your best self and are absolutely worth it, even if you don't get the best therapist or other professional. As I stated, it's up to you to make the most of what you're able to get and utilize all of what you have been gifted.

A therapist, counselor, doctor, etc. of any kind is only as good as the person who wants to make that change and do the work. I do want to improve, that's why I don't need the best, I just need a very good one, which I have. I used to put too much on past therapists to do more work on me than I was willing to do. I was expecting magical proclamations in every session to just tell me what I needed to do, which is utterly and embarrassingly backwards.

I promise I'll never be a preachy Christian. Everyone comes to Christ on their own time, but I can speak from experience you can't do life alone. Your support system is very important, but not more important than a close relationship with your Creator.

Feel free to reach out to me in the comments, as I've yet to set up an email account for this website. I'll notify you all when I do, but until then make the most of what you have and live your best life.

Word To Ponder: Skank

Calling a woman a skank is ill-advised, so don't be surprised about anything that comes your way from it. Begging off while thinking you can convince her you’re referring to the style of dance for reggae or ska music won’t work either.

The problem I have with this word is how laden it is of judgment. Not just with how others use it, but even the way the word is defined. “One who is considered to be sexually promiscuous, especially of a woman” is rife with assumptions.

A woman scantily clad is enough for some to conclude she is easy to bed. Some women may be inappropriately dressed, but isn’t necessarily an indication of how many sexual partners she's had or will have.

How could someone be "considered" sexually promiscuous? Being a flirt, perhaps? A woman who is a scantily clad flirt could be assumed to be sleeping around or have many sexual partners. Still, the picture is incomplete.

I've known plenty of women who simply enjoy and appreciate the attention they receive when they doll themselves up, revealing clothing or not. Some are a tad naïve in their hopes and/or expectations of men around attractive women.

A woman saying they're not interested to a man expressing interest should be enough. The men who can't take that simple statement for what it is will assume the woman is playing hard to get because of how she's dressed.

The kindest rejection is still rejection and an affront to some men's manhood, and the true selves of those men may come out. Mean and hurtful rejections can begin or escalate a negative situation for all involved.

A woman's lively, buoyant personality could also be misinterpreted. Loudness in voice, apparel, or both could be seen as insecurity or someone who is quite sexually active. It could also confuse what is real versus an act.

For decades, there has been the idea of studs and sluts. Meaning, a man who has had sex with lots of women is a stud, and a women who has had sex with lots of men is a slut. I think it's because women are the more intelligent gender and a man just wants what will make him happy in a moment sans big picture.

When a woman lowers herself to a man’s typical mentality, she may not be completely in touch with herself. Women are emotional beings that need to feel a true connection to someone before being intimate, even for a kiss. Chivalry has been utilized for many years to cater to women’s unique emotional needs and give them the security they need and deserve to feel.

Women who are in tune with themselves can spot a ruse masquerading as a chivalrous man with good intentions. A women not in touch with herself could wind up sexually promiscuous. Let me make this clear: a woman who has had many loving relationships is not a skank.

Even if a women is sexually promiscuous, I still abhor the word skank. Assumption is wrong and unfair and doesn't belong, even in this ever non-fair world. Everyone has beauty and a unique journey towards it. For someone to not realize all their potential and waste it on anything below a high standard is heartbreaking.

Someone who is broken needs compassion and empathy, not long stares and dirty looks or other forms of judgement. Something is not right within their soul that caused them to sleep around, drink and/or do drugs to excess, eat their feelings into long term health concerns, etc.

I hope I will live to see the day where snap judgments are rare, and people invest in each other to lift each other up instead of tear each other down. We gain nothing, but highlight our own insecurities, and it needs to stop.

The word skank and its related connotations is just the example I chose to use to make this over-arching point: everybody should feel they have a chance to be their best selves without worrying about others tearing them down about the journey it is taking to get there.

Word To Ponder: Impudent

Impudent means offensively bold or offensive, insolent or impertinent. A second meaning from the 1700s and earlier is immodest.

This word made me wonder why some people enjoy the blunt nature of an individual. Sure, some impudent people can be entertaining while saying what others keep to themselves. However, there is a danger in rewarding those who don’t exercise sensitivity and proper timing when speaking. Some of them can’t be helped and won’t care because all they’re doing is “being honest.” Again, it’s all about a time, place, and if it needs to be voiced.

There’s a reason all the best art in the world goes through phases before completion. Some art can be improvised, but even improvisation is a time-honed skill that a novice can’t pull off consistently, despite any beginner’s luck.

It’s a shame more people don’t look at what they say as artful expressions. I’ve been blunt. I’ve been reserved. I've been around plenty of examples of both, as we all have. There are many more times I’d love to take back what I said without thinking, whereas I’m proud of when I held back for better words or time.

The majority of impudence, fleeting or chronic, is a lack of reflection. Like anything worthwhile, reflection will not be easy at the outset. Not everybody will gift themselves any benefit of reflection in order to understand how they’re coming across. The tone of voice or delivery and body language is also something that must be exercised and reflected upon. Sometimes it’s just as or more important than what you say.

It saddens me when complacency stays with someone. Impudence has the non-reflective connotations which can impel a person to feel they’re not accepted for who they are. I would suggest the impudent person isn’t being rejected for who they are, but are rejected for not having a strong enough sense of themselves and manners overall.

Unhinged circumstances are only enjoyable in small doses for those who need to escape the realities of life. Not limiting impudence to small doses requires some digging in for a person who cannot, or refuses to, confront tough realities or situations.

I encourage you to confront yourself and be honest about your words and actions. Self-reflection will help remove your own impudence, thus strengthening your relationship with yourself and others. It won't be easy, but I promise it will be worth it.

Word To Ponder: Colonnade

A colonnade can be a row of columns supporting a roof. It can also be a row of trees or other tall objects. While I certainly love the natural beauty of rows of trees, I want to focus on columns that support a roof.

Structures large enough to necessitate supporting columns are impressive. Whether it’s a mansion or public venue, such magnificent architecture is met with awe. The amount and origin of awe depends on the person.

We all know people plagued with house intimdation while inside homes that have colonnades and other grand architecture. Others factor in how close or far away they are to buy or finance such a home.

No matter if it's a structure with colonnades, a luxury car, or private jet, I’ve always wondered why something expensive can make a person feel small. The ability to afford something should have nothing to do with having or lacking confidence.

Too many people are indebted to their insecurities of feeling poor or not making enough money. Living within realistic means should be something everyone strives for. Believe me, I’ve been there and enjoys nice things as much as anyone, but the limits of reality need to be instilled and adhered to.

The allure of making lots of money to over-compensate has been going on for hundreds of years. This world has seen millions of people sacrifice large parts of their honor and dignity for the sake of having more money and/or material goods. Current society shows us that this won’t change anytime soon; I would be happy to be proven wrong.

Money is only as good as what you do for it, with it, what it’s bringing into your life, and who you give it to. Be careful not to give ownership of what’s intended to be priceless: your integrity. What truly is most important in life to be happiest is quality relationships.

Don’t be intimidated by anything that costs a lot of money, including something so large it needs colonnades. Instead, be your own colonnade by focusing on what you need and who you care about, and who reciprocates it without judgment or material expectations.

Phrase To Ponder: More Than You Know

Today I’ll deviate from a singular word to focus on a phrase I’ve heard a lot in my life.

When life hands someone the grace of assistance, telling the person or group their help means “more than you know” rings a little odd to me. Is there a false humility or embarrassment happening? Why leave it to the imagination how far the appreciation truly goes?

Don’t be shy; be honest to the extend of your truth. Expressing gratitude with a mere "more than you know" can be misleading. Leaving it to that person's or group's interpretation is short-sighted and lazy.

Too often, there are examples of the opposite: getting hurt and acting out, letting that person know exactly how they made you feel and perhaps going over the line.

Emotions can be strong when triggered, but is not an excuse for dishonest behavior in either direction.

Word To Ponder: Natter

To natter is to talk idly, or chatter.

Small talk seems to have those who love it and who despise it. There are people who love to talk with strangers about the weather and other fluff topics. There are also some who prefer to save all their socializing time for people they are close to so they may have an interesting and meaningful conversation. The middle ground is mostly for those who can natter, depending on the day or their mood. It can be as simple as saying someone is introverted or extroverted, depending on the atmosphere they are presently in.

My relationship with nattering is very extensive. Being in retail for decades, I understand small talk is a must. What I’ve experienced as a customer is people who don’t belong in retail due to social anxiety or introversion, or those that fake their way through the day. Putting on an act is fine enough, but it must carry some authenticity otherwise it ruins the experience for that customer.

There are individuals perfect for retail and selflessly serving others, though I worry if they find the time to care for themselves. That kind of selflessness can trickle into real life, or they are already selfless and found a job where they can be the same. Either way, balancing self-care with selflessness is key and different for everyone.

When working with people, you are bound to see some of the ones you serve when you’re in public. Then, there is a choice you need to make. Will you potentially be the same hollow “work” version of yourself, or will you decide to just be yourself? At that moment, whatever image you put out there is a representation of the company you work for. None of us may totally agree with it, but it’s just the way it is.

Though nattering seems mostly present in the workplace, its presence is also felt in our personal lives, specifically our families. I’d wager there is a large percentage of people who say family is an obligation, which breaks my heart. If a person is only engaging in small talk with their family, is there really a point spending time with them? The idea of being around people you don’t want to be is such a waste of life. Sharing blood shouldn’t equate to anything more, unless a true bond and affection for a relative is there.

Pay attention when you find yourself nattering, and not able to open up to someone. It is because they’re a stranger and you can’t trust them? If you’re at work, you’re not paid to represent yourself, so nattering can make a customer feel welcome. Be mindful of how you’re coming across, even if this means you’re hearing things you vehemently disagree with. This also goes for your co-workers. Just be the best teammate you can be in order to get the job done. Then, you can go about your life with the people you choose to be with, who can see through whatever nattering you had to do that day.

Word To Ponder: Peregrinate

To peregrinate is to travel or journey from place to place, especially on foot. As a transitive verb, its definition is to travel through or over; traverse.

Old fashioned, old school, and the way things were. In some cases, the way things should still be. That is what the word peregrinate got me thinking about today. Going for walks to get some fresh air and feel nature under your feet is still in fashion and an important part of one’s daily life. Doing so without the distraction of whatever one spills into their earbuds can bring the best results of a walk: a wonderful sense of calm and meditation.

But, when was the last time you walked to go somewhere, to run an errand? Or, when was the last time you had no choice but to do it on foot? Have you ever been there?

Sure, some of us live in neighborhoods where our vehicles are an option, but walk to a nearby convenience or grocery store for a few items light enough to carry back home.

My grandfather was the only boy of his family. When they all reached an age to begin learning responsibility and discipline, they were taught different roles. One of my grandpa’s roles as a boy, starting at 8 or 9 years old, was to go to the store while his dad was at work. He bought the food his mother deemed necessary for what they could afford for dinner. The lone vehicle the family had was his father's transportation for his job.

My grandpa was to get exactly what was on the list and bring back the exact change. If he dropped any of the groceries on the two mile trek back home, he would find his rear end difficult to sit on, no matter how noble his intentions. If he deviated from the list in any way, he was to walk back and rectify it. With money being tight, he had to quickly learn math to make sure the cashier made zero mistakes. When a mistake occurred, he’d have to go back and make it right, even if he got back more money than he should have. It was a very loving but strict household that saw everyone graduate to disciplined adulthoods with high integrity.

About a year or two after doing the store errands, my grandpa got his first job to contribute to the household income. His father had a recent handicap that required special assembly to his car to drive to his job, which sapped what little money they had saved up. His father could still do his job despite the handicap, and it was the same meager pay.

My grandpa’s first job was picking weeds and planting crops for one of the farmers who had some land all over the city. He walked about four miles one way to work a 10 hour shift for ten cents and hour. Once in a while, when she deemed it appropriate, his mom gave him a nickel to keep. His pride swelled each and every time he earned money for his family and himself.

My grandpa grew up to become one of the hardest working people I ever knew. He was a wonderful man who never let anything get in the way of providing for his family. Working up to four jobs at once to feed and shelter them was only part of it, he was also providing an example to live up to. The same could be said for his wife, my grandma.

She and her sisters walked everywhere as kids, including their first jobs. Just like her future husband, she picked weeds and planted crops in the fields of the farmers in the rural area they lived. In her later years, even before she recently died, she was still able to proudly identify the specific fields and what her and her sisters planted. Their salaries were for pennies an hour and also went towards the tight household finances.

My grandparents were an excellent couple who had four great people that became positive contributors to my life and the world. My mom and her siblings have and continue to be the best versions of themselves based on the examples their parents showed.

The sense of hard work and value of a dollar was ingrained in my grandparents very early. The fact they had to walk to run errands and to their first jobs gave them something else. If they were driven by vehicles to their jobs and to run errands, I believe their work ethic and value of a dollar would still have been there. Without the determination created by walking those miles, a sense of humility and a desire for independence would not have been so deep. Each of them grew up in large families, so walking also provided a necessary reprieve from the crowded houses they lived in.

So, what about you? What can represent peregrinating for you? The examples I gave of my grandparents were taught to them at young ages and they maintained it for the entirety of their lives and passed it down to their kids.

As we age, we never stop learning. Thus, we must keep looking for and finding what can keep us humble, hungry, and to never lose sight what the value of a dollar is and how it feels to earn something.

Word To Ponder: Nascent

Something that is nascent is coming to existence; emerging.

What has emerged from you lately? What are you most proud of that has come from your hands, your mind? Do you focus on what you haven’t done well or begun to attempt? How often do you ask yourself these questions?

What do you aspire to do and how will you get there?

Reflection is healthy but must be done two-fold, the good and bad. Be the boss to yourself you've always needed, be the employee to yourself you'd never hesitate to depend on. Too many of us are caught up in our parental subconscious trappings, so a business approach can give us a fresher and more focused lens. Putting yourself in these roles removes the ability to blame others for when you don't live up to your aspirations.

Though it is difficult not to overthink and dramatize in this process, allowing emotions to interfere will throw off ones' system to develop their goals. Again, a business approach can be a great pathway for achieving this.

A grocery store I worked at had cashiers maintain a high standard of items scanned per minute. A couple middle-aged colleagues of mine would have liked to become cashiers. The job carried a four dollar an hour raise, something they surely could have used. As I got to know them, they told me they thought they were too old for the scans per minute and the other responsibilities cashiering entailed.

The items per minute was a challenge to achieve and maintain for everyone, but it was not impossible. The store displayed each cashiers' rate every week and we were to take notice of how they were able to achieve the threshold and maintain it.

Those two let their perceptions of being too old scare them away from at least trying. The sad part is they were two of the quickest baggers and best multi-taskers I worked with in my decade-plus at that store. Their age never slowed them down within the ten years I worked with them; it's a shame they limited themselves based on that factor.

There are authors who don't become published or successful until close to so-called retirement age. These people didn't all of a sudden become great writers, they just kept improving their craft and never gave up.

Whether it's age or experience, don't buy in to any limiting criteria from yourself or anyone. You are never too old for a nascent idea to realize a life once imagined.

Word To Ponder: Ullage

Today, I’ve selected the noun ullage. It has only two meanings. First, it is the amount of liquid within a container that is lost, as by leakage, during shipment or storage. Is also is the amount, by which a container, such as a bottle, cask, or tank, falls short of being full.

It struck me in a sense that the lost liquid, container, shipment, or storage can be metaphorical for an array of life applications.

How does this relate to you? Is it merely letting life get too busy to remember everything, showing evidence of a life out of balance? Is it losing out on important relationships due to selfishly holding everything in for yourself, and the best of life passes you by and makes you its ullage?

Another interpretation could be selflessly retaining all the important priorities life brings without regard to materialistic leanings. With that approach, the rest becomes ullages and doesn’t hold that person back from living life to their fullest. That perspective is either instilled early on or learned the hard way over time.

There are other metaphors a ullage could be. The big picture is identifying what to retain and what to dispose of. Having higher standards will certainly help you know what a ullage is in your life.

No matter how big or small, deceptive or obvious, knowing what a ullage is and when to release it from your figurative container can’t be understated. It must be done before it overtakes whatever situation it will hinder. A ullage could be a great first impression and that’s what is remembered instead of the current poor follow through.

Let’s not forget the subconscious parts of ullages. What does a good or bad ullage remind you of, compelling you to keep it in your life? A high degree of self-awareness is always needed to minimize your subconscious controlling your life. Stay in touch with yourself. Starting and keeping a journal of any kind is a great way to begin, so long as you keep showing up for yourself daily.

Goals are great, but a system around a goal or goals is the best way to get there. The best system will help you to know when a ullage is present and when to let it out.

A great life is lean, so where will you trim the fatty ullage?

Word To Ponder: Blunderbuss

This word strikes me in a humorous manner. It is noun with two meanings. The first is as a short musket of wide bore and flaring muzzle, formerly used to scatter a shot at close range. The second meaning is a person regarded as clumsy and stupid.

Expanding a bit, this also got me thinking about self-awareness in the sense of following someone’s footsteps.  Many years ago, a son would want to follow in his father’s footsteps. At the time it was all they knew and admired what they saw the man they looked up to the most. But, that is quite limiting.

Simply having lineage in line of work has nothing to do with what someone is meant to do. There are also many successful examples of people who took over for their parents in a specific line of work. It could either be an entire company or just a job in the same company as their parent or a similar company. Sometimes that youthful admiration sticks, other times people just evolve into what they’d rather be, or what they are meant to do.

For clarification, When I say success, it’s not just monetarily. Success isn’t just about money, it’s about fulfillment and positive contribution to society.

I personally know people on both sides of the equation. Some embrace the pressure, other wilt under it.

Another example is a person who tests at genius levels at a young age. Almost immediately, parents feel compelled to thrust that child into advanced classes. They may highly suggest/pressure them to become a lawyer, doctor, or something else highly acclaimed with high earning potential. Testing high in academics has nothing to do with mental acuity and emotional intelligence. The entire person ought to be considered, not just what they can do as an employee.

I will always encourage people to figure their true selves out. This world has been full of too many people filling roles and surviving instead of being their best at being themselves and thriving.

A blunderbuss of a person shouldn’t  handle a gun, nor should the son of a politician come near politics when their heart believes in honesty and doing the right thing first and always. A girl whose mother was a housewife and a homemaker shouldn’t aspire to be the same when she has tremendous leadership skills and problem solving ability under pressure.

It’s not to say there isn’t such a thing or can’t be an honest politician, or an excellent housewife that can lead the charge and think under pressure. Those skills shouldn’t be limited just to what they have seen. Rather, thinking and expending the scope and scale of what is in your immediate perspective can yield wonderful and unthinkable results. The least you can do for yourself is try.

In the process, you’ll learn more about yourself than you knew prior. Even if you go back to what you initially knew and thought, it’s not a failure.  A failure is never a person, it’s merely an event. In the end, you will be that much better and balanced a person.

Words To Ponder: Several, Few, Many, Moment

Several a word defined in more than one way, but I want to focus on just one. It’s probably the most used meaning, as a number more than two or three but not many.

Since I was young, I always thought several meant a number around seven. And when I’d hear few, I always assumed about four. Through all its definitions, a few basically means a small number more than one.

When many is attributed to anything, it’s meant to be a large number of some sort.

When a moment passes by, it’s not what can be captured by a stopwatch. Instead it is just a brief, indefinite interval of time.

It has always bothered me why we use such words that aren’t definite. Of course, there are times and places to use words that aren’t exact. Too often though, I’ve noticed people embrace this wishy-washy language.

Is it fear of committing to something, or is it laziness? It’s worth looking into, and being more aware of, how we speak and express ourselves. I include myself in this, and understand how difficult it can be to nail down specifics.

We live in a click bait and “need it now” society that tolerates lacks of detail and follow through. Where did this lack of patience come from? Why can’t we take the time to enjoy the present and let what needs to happen on its own volition?

Recently, I saw a commercial for older folks dealing with hearing loss. My brain expected a normally fast commercial, but it kept going on. Then I realized the target demographic was for an older generation of people that don’t have limited attention spans. That was a small but profound reminder of how far we’ve fallen.

Life is way too short, so make sure to enjoy everything you’re given. Be present, while factoring in when it’s most appropriate to look ahead and look back. As they say it baseball, it’s a marathon, not a sprint!

Word To Ponder: Prententious

Pretentious is used three ways. First, it is for claiming that or behaving as if one is important or deserving of merit when such is not the case. Second, it used for showing or betraying an attitude of superiority. Third, it is marked by an extravagant or presumptuous outward show; ostentatious.

Here’s my relationship with the word pretentious. The first time I ever hear the word was from Lars Ulrich, Metallica’s drummer and self-described Metallica historian. It was during the week Lars was hosting the VH1 show The List sometime in 2000 where he said someone or something was pretentious. I had begun playing the drums earlier that year and Lars was my biggest influence to want to start up the instrument, so I paid attention to his words.

I was also entering adulthood and the meaning of pretentious had been in my subconscious all my life. Once Lars said the word, I didn’t need to look up what pretentious meant; the base word pretend was all I needed to have it resonate with me.

I’ve always been able to identify false authority figures and other forms of insincerity. It was there when anyone tried to exert their insecurities on me. There was a lot of verbal and mental abuse I had to endure when I was seen as an easy target or pawn.

Creating a false bravado in order to gain something has been around forever. Conning people of their minds and money, or both, will always be present. But why are there so many examples of pretentious behavior over the years? It doesn’t really need to exist, but yet again it does.

Needing a bad day once in a while to appreciate a great day is necessary for perspective. If you come across a person who says all the right things and sounds good, are they just trying to sell you on something they aren’t? Are they falsifying an image of what they want to be and/or what they want you to see? Or, are they truly as great as they are coming across? Is it too good to be true?

Assuming everyone is a liar or con artist until proven otherwise is no way to live. There is rarely ever a black and white situation. Live in the gray and learn as you go.

As I’ve aged, I have become sharper at recognizing insincerities everywhere. Social media is where a lot of it has migrated and is permeated, but it is just one of many current land mines of pretentiousness.

Staying nimble to what you know versus what you don’t is a solid solution. For the sake of survival on the way to truly thriving in life, you should attain a healthy ego and humility. It can be exhausting to attain and is more difficult to maintain, but is worthy of the sweat and residual equity.

Word To Ponder: Sexagenarian

A sexagenarian is a person that is between 60 and 70 years old. It is also used as an adjective as being 60 years old or between theages of 60 and 70 years old. A second adjective definition is of being related to a sexagenarian.

What caught me with this word is not so much ever hearing it, but wondering why it even exists. Or why is has to. I mean, really, does everything need a label? Can’t a person in their respective generation just be called that age or range instead of a label? It’s quite disheartening, and reminds me of something from my past.

One of my ex-girlfriends thought I was on the autism spectrum where Asperger’s Syndrome is. She and I had been living together for over two years at that point. One of her friends who is a therapist more or less diagnosed me with Asperger’s after a few couples nights out and observing me in other social settings.

My girlfriend was convinced I needed an actual diagnosis from a doctor who didn’t know me so she could understand how to “deal”with me. At that point, again over two years, we knew each other quite well and what made the other tick. She became obsessed about getting that label. We both knew the relationship was struggling and why it was. Labeling me wasn’t going to solve anything.

In short, we just stopped caring enough to meet each other’s needs. The mutual deprivation bred resentment and straw grasping. An Asperger’s diagnosis for me was her straw, whereas mine was feebly trying to replicate the early days when it was too late for her to care. We eventually came to the realization there wasn’t any turning back, and we simply grew apart after a grand total of three years. Thankfully, we parted ways amicably.

These days, there is a lot of generation bashing. Millennials garner much criticism that’s too unfair to pin on a span of time where the only commonality is when people were born.

Everything that warrants criticism starts and ends with culture; the culture a person was raised in and the culture the person puts themselves in as a free choosing adult.

All people come to a place in their lives when they realize their parents had to wing it and made the best choice they could at the time. When hindsight shows a better option existed, it’s up to that person to not resent their parents for any of that. You must take ownership of your life to live your best life, no matter the head start you were or were not given.

Some people can’t overcome the greatness of their parents, real or imagined, and become crippled by it and settle for a less than fulfilling life. Others don’t broaden their scope to see the bigger world that is there outside the realm their parents showed them.

Be careful what you judge and desire to label. My examples are just two of way too many. There will always be more than meets what you’re privy to. In this short attention span reality we live in, it’s never been more important.

It’s also never been more important to know yourself as best you can to withstand whatever judgement comes your way. Becoming something you’re not out of fear of judgment or influence of it serves nobody well, especially yourself.

Copyright © 2019 Craig Elbe·