Thank You For The Courage I Lack

Thanking a Veteran for their service doesn’t seem to be enough. However, those I’ve seen placed on a pedestal of any kind reveal a certain discomfort, perhaps feeling praise of that variety wasn’t what they served this country for.

My twenty two years in retail have provided a litany of windows into the human psyche. I have witnessed some rude Veterans ask for special discounts the company didn’t offer anyone, only to later pull their service cards after they were first informed such discounts didn’t exist.

My younger, immature self allowed that to color how all Veterans were—just showing off and seeking attention and validation through those selfish actions, and the attire that detailed their service. I am not a fan of my younger self, with this old judgmental mindset being at the top of my youthful abhorrence list.

In recent years, I’ve found the boldness to thank these special people. During moments of a pridefully stated, “you’re welcome” from every Veteran, my youthful immaturity is always freshly revealed to me, and I deserve it. The vast majority of these people are showing their pride, not seeking attention. I also recognize my immaturity was steeped in shame of not being as courageous as them.

When I thank Veterans for their service, some ask if I also served. I don’t hesitate to admit I never had the valor for it. I tell them their choice to serve ensured that I had a choice not to, and is a big part of my gratitude. From older Veterans, they've told stories of being drafted, yet their pride is the same as those who chose to serve.

This year’s Veteran’s Day was perhaps the most important in my lifetime. I am hopeful it began to unite us as a country, a country that’s been divided by politics, with the division magnified by a pandemic.

We are mere days after the presidential election where its results are still being disputed. There are all varieties of hopes and projections and confirmation biases hinged on who won and if it was a fair election. I wish we all realized none of this matters near as much as it’s being portrayed.

These polarizing times have damaged relationships, and tarnished opinions of those formerly held in high regard. When we use our differences to divide each other, instead of having boundaries and civil discourse, then the sacrifices of Veterans can seem impotent and meaningless. We know better, and need to do better than permeate that toxicity.

I am intentionally publishing this one day after Veteran’s Day. These brave individuals deserve more than a single day per year of widespread acknowledgement, just as those who have died while serving deserve more than just one Memorial Day.

The Veterans who are still alive carry lonely, invisible scars that will live on in them forever, with traumas that will repeat in them abruptly, and place them right back into their versions of war mode. Creating a sense of goodwill through expressions of gratitude every day can prevent a far too common Veteran’s suicide, or at least remind them their service will never be taken for granted, and scars not lonely and invisible.

May these words be part of the continuation of us offering our daily gratitude for everything Veterans protected us from that has kept this country great. To all of you Veterans, thank you for the courage I lacked, stepping up so I could instead freely unite us with these words, and for us all to pursue our unique passions and the opportunities this country affords us.

Music For My Soul: How Did You Love, by Shinedown

On any scale, legacy is important to everyone. Some have children—those who desire parenthood but can’t conceive adopt. Founding a business or inventing products we need and/or want will also cement a legacy.

While all noble, I believe the most important legacy is how you treat others.

Those near death consistently identify their only regrets as not spending enough time with loved ones. More material things, making more money, or more sexual partners doesn't equate to a fulfilling life when one is close to dying.

Excepting common sense, considering societal norms isn't a factor for what I ought to do or be. That’s largely why identifying as a writer and its boundless avenues suits me perfectly; the words I create and share will be a big part of my legacy. The rest of it will be who I choose to share my life with, and the memories we make through this madness we call life.

Ideal is not realistic but must be persisted. Finding and vetting those whose actions prove they love and accept the entirety of you are worth the time it takes. Unworthy ones reveal themselves with their absence when you aren't an asset to them. Trust me, and be diligent.

Participation in humanity equals supporting and connecting with each other towards love; that’s what this song means to me. Fear and greed will always be unfortunate and easily accessed human drivers, especially during pandemics, i.e. this current coronavirus and COVID-19 situation. Hacking into those traits succumbs the unaware, diverting them from the big picture and hidden truths.

We all have a voice and a heart. Our altruistic use of each will be a huge part in how we positively we reflect on a life lived, except sociopaths and other hopelessly selfish individuals. How faithful and generous your love is in every facet will be your legacy.

To quote a line from the song: “No one gets out alive, everyday is do or die; the one thing you leave behind is how did you love.”