She Knows

How to grow:

Take the seed and give it plenty of attention, water, and sunshine. It also deserves the best possible soil, the kind that comes from a lifetime of knowing how seeds don’t grow.

The attention, water, and sunshine also need to be the very best. Filtered and measured, too much or not enough and the wrong kind will kill what is promising. Like the soil, the filters and tools for measuring, digging, and weeding are hard-earned knowledge. 

The first days will warrant close attention to ensure all the best things are in order and in the right amounts. Then, the seed must grow to live and breathe on its own volition from those, determined at the time, to be the best things.

Seeds cannot be planned. Only prepared for and without expectation. The absence of a seed is the patient sharpening of the tools, reflection of the wrong soil, sunshine, and filtering and measuring, not to mention the waiting……the waiting cannot be rushed. That is very important, as is the documentation of each seed's planting and growing process.

Most important is trusting that the seed will grow from all that prior applied knowledge, sharpened tools, sun, and soil. When the seed doesn’t appear or is weak and dies, the documentation yields the why. One cannot shy away from the truth, no matter how much it hurts. We live and learn, and learn to live with the necessity of continued learning. 

There isn’t one correct method. We are all too unique. 

The growth process necessitates tweaking as we age, while never losing sense of who we are, especially not losing what's gained from where we’ve been that shows us who we are and want to be.  

Our time together saw us happily apply the best tools we have accumulated, produced, and sharpened over three and a half decades of life lived fully and uniquely. Real time became Einstein time. 

We came to each other very unexpected but so, so welcomed. Our initial attention, sun, and water did not drown the seed, it just invigorated what was always between us. Our gestation was ongoing prior to meeting--we were consistently sharpening or upgrading our tools and bettering our soil.

We never had not had a more fulfilling or more satisfying time with anyone else. Sleep was by necessity, not choice. We saturated the seed and provided all the sunshine we could with our effortless conversations and impeccable communication. We easily flowed through the levels of goofy and serious and intimate, learning and enjoying our uniqueness along the way. 

We're great together as a result of our collectively healthy soil. We have a palpable and easy chemistry. What's usually considered work was a pleasure, and we didn't balk at the concessions we needed to grant each other for us to be our best in all aspects. 

Where we were, are, and want to be had no flinches or varnish. It provided the future sunlight and how well it all fits under that beam without complacency, full of mutual respect and open-mindedness. Our attraction to each other goes deeper than what our eyes see. 

This is what we'd been waiting and working for. 

We will always have and be responsible for our weeds. We discussed all our weeds and their roots, and how we’ve learned to care for our soil to prevent weeds and deal with them when they sprout up. 

Unfortunately, you found your soil to have some old weeds returning, and existing ones grew more visible. I saw them too, and was happy to help you with them. They did not seep into my soil or affect my tending of it, but you also didn’t want to get re-accustomed to more support than what’s healthy and reasonable.

Though not a surprise, it was still a very sad day when you recognized the need for a greener thumb and to be a solo gardener. Your standards are very high. You want your soil even healthier with fewer weeds, using better and/or sharper tools to notice and uproot pesky weeds earlier, before again combining soil. 

An entire afternoon spilled into the evening. Reminiscing, laughing, crying. You wanted to convey how you want to be healthier for you before we can become us again; that it was nothing negative on me; that we know this isn’t the end. Rather, an intermission. 

Only God knows what’s coming. All we know is what we have and how awesome it will be when fully grown. This seed can survive on all we put into us.

Though I’m making sure to live as well as possible since we said bye for now, but not forever...this void is unmistakable. My brain tricks me into seeing you everywhere I go. Though the memories are strong and are sustaining me, I won’t miss how much I miss you once we permanently combine our soil. 

If we aren’t meant to combine soil ever again, you've blessed me with an experience that will help prevent me from projecting and hoping and ultimately settling, effectively ending my lifelong pattern. You have sealed a special place deep in my soul, and there won't be a day where I don't profusely thank God for giving us each other at the exact right time.