Word to Ponder: Nadir

Anyone that's overcome adversities of any scale or consequence can point to the lowest point, or nadir, that showed them the only way was up. Nadirs are inevitable but sneaky, best served as a wake up call to change something.

That last drink, cigarette, hit, junk food binge, or poor financial choice before permanent change is not a nadir. Though this self-sabotage is an unfortunate human trait, you can’t be plan for a nadir; they don't work that way. Bad for you is still bad, especially if you know better and do it anyway. It only creates a permission cycle of not doing what's best for yourself, keeping you captive and farther away from ideal, no matter what you may tell yourself while in the midst of it.

Paramount to work though a nadir is a strong and honest support system outside your large and/or small ego. The cunning nature of a nadir can blind you to it, while your support system will probably see it earlier and
clearer than you. Putting together that support system is its own problem, but is clear-cut when you hit a nadir. True friends and relatives are the ones that stick around when you're at your worst, selflessly and unconditionally helping you get back to your best. But it has to be reciprocal when they need you.

An open mind is a must; though, it can backfire if you’re too open for too long, and is equally damaging as being too close-minded for too long. Ideally, you should go back and forth from your comfort zone to know where and when adjustments are needed. Too much time in or out of your comfort zone will get you off track. It is never going to be easy to identify when/how long to be in or out of that zone, but time and practice will afford that knowledge and self-awareness. That’s where the support system of accountability and praise will come in when warranted to help you make the necessary adjustments where and when you need to.

A huge problem for me was thinking I could solve all my own problems. This cycle always resulted in narrow mindedness and mental burnout when I’m overwhelmed with all I have to take care of, always magnified from reality.

I have never been good at delegating and enjoy carrying a burden. Big challenges motivate me until I’m out of wind and strength to go any further, way before I’m done with what I need to do, let alone want to do, or vice versa. When my support system tells me I’ve hit another nadir, it’s never at the right time.

I hate letting people down, even when they’re disappointed I let myself down. Not cracking the code of burning out is always abhorrent in principle, and is much worse to live it. Pressure does motivate me, but too much cripples me where all I want to do is eat poorly and sleep. And it’s all my own doing.

I recently hit another and pretty bad nadir, causing me to do things I’ve never done in my life. So, I needed time to get it sorted out. Making the time to only focus on what's been going on is so foreign to me. Though I recognize its necessity, I've had difficulty with it. I have felt so weak during this process, wondering why I couldn't just plow through this like I've always done.

I've come to realize the times I persevered was actually making me weaker and weaker over too many years. This nadir has become the full circle revelation of all the years of trauma I forced myself to go through were for the wrong reasons and without continuous and proper self-care.

I also never thought I'd be a Christian. But lo and behold, I am now a proud believer of God and that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I'm super early to this, but it's been a great awakening and the best thing for me. Part of my years long hesitation was the many bad examples of Christians that are in this world. I failed then to realize everyone is on their personal journey and to not judge what I don't fully know, and prayers are needed instead of scorn.

Plus, I didn't believe anything I couldn't see, but the circumstances that led me to Christ and everything that has followed was all proof I needed. The more my eyes have been opened to this world in my walk with Christ, I've been observing further proof without even asking.

I've allowed too many people and environments to dictate how I feel about myself. I've learned that I take me and what I represent everywhere I go. Anything else around me doesn't matter unless it's positive or an opportunity for me to influence positivity. Though it will always be difficult, the negativity cannot affect me anymore.

Part of my issue is giving my all, all the time, without factoring in sufficient down time for recovery. Investing all of myself is a blessing but can be a curse. I struggle when circumstances outside my control take away my full skills and abilities.

When I’m able to accomplish something I love with enough autonomy, I’ll happily go my usual 100% but rarely hit a nadir, armed with an open mind and at least enough knowledge of what I'm signing up for. I enjoy the grind and miss it when the project is done, resulting in deep fulfillment. That’s why identifying as writer resonates so deep with me. The nature of me as a writer and how I work and think about the craft is essentially this paragraph.

To be honest, I don't think I'm receiving the best professional care possible through this nadir. Life happens way too fast for the best to always be available or obvious, and that's okay. No matter what care I receive, everything begins and ends with me. All I can do is the best with which I'm given. The power of prayer has been tremendous, as has the support of friends and family the Lord has wrapped me with.

Everyone will go through different paths and endure many nadirs. When they happen, it’s just life telling you to go change direction and/or mindset. Pain is promised, but it's part of growth. The barrage of emotions you’ll feel aren’t worth over thinking. They're just an overflow of what you need to successfully unpack and process.

This will likely require a lot of time, professional help, and hard, honest conversations with your support system and said professional. They are necessary to becoming your best self and are absolutely worth it, even if you don't get the best therapist or other professional. As I stated, it's up to you to make the most of what you're able to get and utilize all of what you have been gifted.

A therapist, counselor, doctor, etc. of any kind is only as good as the person who wants to make that change and do the work. I do want to improve, that's why I don't need the best, I just need a very good one, which I have. I used to put too much on past therapists to do more work on me than I was willing to do. I was expecting magical proclamations in every session to just tell me what I needed to do, which is utterly and embarrassingly backwards.

I promise I'll never be a preachy Christian. Everyone comes to Christ on their own time, but I can speak from experience you can't do life alone. Your support system is very important, but not more important than a close relationship with your Creator.

Feel free to reach out to me in the comments, as I've yet to set up an email account for this website. I'll notify you all when I do, but until then make the most of what you have and live your best life.